Finding out a loved one may have a substance use disorder can be scary. You may have noticed certain behaviors that make you think something is wrong: shifts in mood or temperament, increased financial trouble, changes in sleep patterns, work ethic, or social interactions.
A knee-jerk reaction may be to yell or berate them, but it is rarely a good idea to confront a person in that way. It is better to speak with them in private and have a calm discussion about why their behavior concerns you.
It also helps to know what exists nearby before the conversation happens. A search for drug rehab mesa az might help you learn about the options and what treatment centers in the area actually offer. Here are a few tips on having that discussion.
Speak when they are sober
Pick a time when everyone is calm and there are not any distractions. Avoid raising the issue when they are under the influence, in a hurry, or when you are distracted or in the middle of another argument.
You do not need a long-winded speech prepared. Simply explain what you have noticed and how it makes you feel. “I have noticed that you have not been yourself lately, and I am worried about you.”
Stick to facts, not labels
Avoid jumping to conclusions or labeling them an addict or any other dehumanizing term. Use real examples of behavior you have seen and how it has affected them. “I have noticed that you have not been showing up for work lately.” Instead of accusing them of being irresponsible, point to the things you have seen and the effect those things have had on their life.
If you need help putting what you have noticed into words, SAMHSA has guidance on recognizing when someone needs help.
Listen to their response
They may become defensive and accuse you of several things. A lot of people immediately jump to the defense that they are not addicted, but you can respond with something like, “That is fine. What I want to discuss is…” and then explain your concerns.
Listening is a vital part of getting through to someone. Even if they refuse to hear your concerns, staying supportive matters more than winning the argument. There is no shame in asking for outside help, and you always want to remain calm and nonjudgmental.
You can ask open-ended questions, such as:
“What has been the worst part of this for you?”
“Do you feel like drugs or alcohol are making things easier or harder right now?”
“What kind of help would actually be useful?”
Sometimes a single discussion will not be enough to get through to somebody. That is completely normal. You just need to keep the conversation open and let them know you are there to help when they need you.
Get them the help they need
It can be overwhelming to know where to start and what kind of help to look for. Many treatment facilities will guide you through the process and answer any questions you may have.
You can help by doing whatever you can: sitting with them while they make a call, asking about insurance and medical requirements, and going with them to appointments.
Helping is crucial, but it is also essential that you set personal boundaries. The goal is to be supportive while avoiding the things that make it easier to keep using, such as handing over money or covering up for their absences.
Take care of yourself, too
Substance use disorders take a devastating emotional and physical toll, not only on the person using but on the people around them. Family members and friends are often left making a lot of difficult decisions. Speaking with a counselor, a trusted friend, or a local mutual aid group can help you manage that. SAMHSA also has resources for families dealing with substance use.
Conclusion
If there is ever an emergency, such as the threat of suicide or overdose, or if the person becomes a danger to themselves or others, call 911 or seek other emergency assistance. If things are not that urgent, a calm word and a sincere offer to help can be a real first step. You will not always get the answer you hoped for the first time you ask, and that is not a failure. Most people who eventually accept help had this conversation more than once before anything changed.