Disagreements don't have to occur in relationships, but they usually do. However, most people associate disagreements with arguments and bad feelings. That doesn't have to be the case. Whether in your romantic, platonic, or familial relationships, disagreements can actually strengthen your bond and change both parties for the better. Here's how to have productive disagreements with people.
Enter With an Open Mind
Though you do not have to change your mind in the discussion, you must be willing to. When you allow yourself to entertain new ideas, you create a safe space for growth, learning, and understanding. Additionally, you signal to the other person that you respect their beliefs and intelligence, encouraging them to do the same.
See the Person Behind the Opinion
Our beliefs are integral to who we are as people, which is partly why disagreements can get so heated. A person receiving pushback on their beliefs can feel like they're receiving pushback on who they are and their reasoning abilities.
Make sure that the person you're discussing with knows that you're not against them personally. Additionally, always speak respectfully and kindly. Doing these things will make it easier to engage in a meaningful conversation that doesn't hurt feelings.
Listen; Don't React
A common mistake people make in disagreements is shutting down their listening once they hear something they have a visceral reaction to. Their minds instantly go into response mode, waiting for a break in the other person's speech to unleash it.
This, however, is talking at another person, not with them. There's a whole psychology behind defense mechanisms, but your main job is to be aware that certain opinions and pushback might trigger you. When you feel your defenses going up and responses forming, make a note to yourself to refocus on what the other person is saying. By genuinely listening, you demonstrate respect and commitment to resolving the disagreement rather than escalating it because you get defensive.
Avoid Black-and-White Statements
Statements that simplify complex issues into a binary choice are almost always inaccurate and counterproductive to serious discussion. Instead, acknowledge the nuances in a topic. This helps both of you get to the heart of issues and helps the other person view you as fair.
Ask Good, Genuine Questions
Curiosity drives productive conversations. Ask questions that invite elaboration rather than defensiveness. Good questions not only clarify the other person's views but also signal that you value their perspective.
Regularly Summarize the Other Person's Point
After the other person explains their perspective, summarize it back to them. This does two things: it lets them know that you're listening, and it provides the opportunity to correct any misunderstandings that might complicate the disagreement.
By now, we hope you feel more confident about the idea of disagreeing with your friends, family, or partner. Remember—disagreements are perfectly normal and healthy, but arguments aren't. If you follow these tips, you can have productive arguments with people that improve your relationships.
